It has now been 2 weeks, 3 days, and 10 hours, and 22 minutes.
It saddens me to say that I think I am now “used” to her being gone. I hate that. I hate having life turned upside down for not just me but everyone who knows her, and especially for my kids. For them and for my own health, I’m forcing myself to try to get back to “normal.” At least I can say I am finally to the point where she does not occupy my EVERY thought. Not say she’s not on my mind, because she is but I’ve been able to pull myself back from the despairing depression-inducing dwelling. I’ve been able to do a photo session and have another one coming up, that gives me something to occupy myself with. I also found diving into crochet and a good program on my laptop helps.
There was about a week of solid frustration. EVERYONE was talking to me about it, I couldn’t get away. And they couldn’t just have quiet thoughts coupled with “I don’t know,” which is all I could offer, but I felt like I was being constantly questioned and prodded for information. People were stopping by house to ask, people I don’t know were calling and texting me, people would see me in a restaurant where I was trying to GET AWAY for a few hours, and stop and ask me… “So what do you think happened? No, really, what do YOU think?”
I DON’T KNOW!!
And I am not even immediate family. I just seem to be, for some strange reason, an outsider’s supposed link to the inside. Read the rest of this entry »
Is this what it feels like?
To have someone you love be missing?
I’m not even of immediate family but I feel numb. Tiny. So insignificant. Helpless.
I had to keep it quiet all day long. Smile and laugh at the appropriate moments while worrying inside. My inner self face down in prayer.
And now that the community has come alive I’ve broken down. My head is filled from tears and neither of us can sleep.
I can’t imagine life without her.
All good things must eventually come to an end. I’ve had this blog for over 11 years and I think it’s time to say good-bye. I really would like to regularly blog a personal life again but I find myself hesitant to say anything here. I might try a new place, I don’t know. If I do, it’ll probably be under a false name. Too many people out there who shouldn’t read my life know where to find me.
There’s a chance I might write something here, as rarely as I have been, like some random company complaints or a book or movie review, but for all intents and purposes, there will be no more personal posts.
So long, farewell, Auf Weidersehen, goodbye.