well I guess it’s over now

Well I guess that’s it.
I called the bank about a half an hour ago and asked if they’d fill the position yet. (And I don’t even really have a voice today, I must have sounded really bad.)

He said “yes, well we are going to extend the offer to the person today. But you can still fill out an application…” I said I already had and was told I’d be called this week, and I gave my name. He says well the HR guy is out until next week and they will be discussing it and extending an offer to the person and then everyone else will get emails by Tuesday or Wednesday.

How nice.

I guess that means I’m not the one they’re extending the offer to, or you’d think he would have said so.

I feel as if I have wasted three weeks. In essence I have, it has taken that long to get here.

I feel really crappy. This just adds to the whole circle of crap for this week. I mean this makes it just *so* much better.

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate the whole process – I hate the application and the interview and the waiting – everything. It’s so stupid because I know I’m good – I know I can do this stuf. I am over-qualified for a lot of this stuff.

So why is this so hard then?
Why can’t I seem to find a job?

I’ll tell you what part of it is – discrimination. And I’m not being stupid.
In this town, if you don’t have a pioneer name, forget it – your chances of getting a job or anything else have just gone down 70%.
And it’s so rediculous because I need something in town – otherwise it’s not worth my time and I won’t be making any money at all after I drive an hour and pay a babysitter, etc.

Either way…
What am I going to do?
The credit card bills just keep getting bigger and bigger and I know that when the time comes to order Steve’s school books for next semester they’re going to be adding to it, as well.

I guess there is still a slim bit of hope that I could be the one they call. But really, you’d think he would have said so when I talked to him earlier. So that really dashes any hope that might remain. Now I will wait by the phone and check my email, all in vain.

All I want is a decent part-time job in town so I can pay off some credit cards, I don’t even care if it’s days or evenings… so why does this have to be so damn hard?

Makes me wonder what would happen to me and E should something happen to Steve…