reflections

I was looking for some files on a computer and came across some really old stuff. We’re talking files from 2006 and 2007 that I thought I had deleted long ago. So long that I didn’t even know what the folder name meant. They served their purpose at the time and it’s been many years since I thought about the people they were about. I had to look up my scrapbook files to find this out, even, apparently it’s been almost 3 years since I thought of these people when I could swear that I saw one of them, in New Orleans in the same hotel we were staying at. If it wasn’t him, it had to be his identical twin – the guy even acted like he was trying to avoid being seen by us, he was clearly uncomfortable but by the time I did my double-take, he was gone. As a side note, that also means it’s been almost 3 years since I scrapbooked anything. I miss scrapbooking.

Opening that first unknown file brought back all the memories. I remember these two people and their friends, who a couple of months later I realized were actually fake personas, being very nasty to me, and going through these files confirmed what I remember as truth. They said some very horrible and untrue things to and about me “behind my back,” and not just me but others in my life, including young innocent children. Things that were made to appear as if they were in self defense of horrible things I had supposedly done (which, of course, I hadn’t). What kind of person does that?

Maybe it’s just me, but the good people in my life – my husband, my parents, etc. – they have always known when someone is toxic before I have. It was no different for these people. If you’re ever unsure what to think of someone, just ask your closest friends and family, someone near to you who doesn’t have a bias. It’s like that nonsense I had with my ex business partner about 2 years ago, everyone knew what a toxic person she was before I did but it wasn’t until things were over that most people started saying anything. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re out of that, she was nuts.” I couldn’t fit to count on my two hands how much I heard that in those coming months. Likewise, my husband knew how toxic this couple was and he was hesitant to spend time with them, but he did it for me.

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, because it is so true.

Alone tonight with my thoughts and I miss what we had before the fallouts. We had so much in common, but having things in common isn’t enough to sustain a friendship. You have to both be, oh I don’t know, sane? It’s hard to maintain a friendship with someone who is completely self-centered, it just won’t last. In the end, those things always die off.

Yes, I did my passive aggressive part. Sure, it was the truth, but sometimes the truth doesn’t need to be put out there, sometimes we should keep it to ourselves. And even if you delete it later, it was still out there. That’s the only thing I did that I regret.

Maybe some day we’ll run into each other and maybe things will be different. Of course, the chances of that are nil but it’s nice to think about… sometimes… rarely… when you find files you thought you deleted. :D