after the fact
So the visitation and funeral. I must say that this has to be the most eventful and least boring funerals I’ve ever been to. And it was also the only funeral I’ve been to where it became more about the living than the deceased. By this I mean her daughters.
I have never seen so much drama at a funeral - these two girls, and I understand grief all too well, and I know I have never lost a parent myself, but sheesh, I have never seen anyone act like this before. The younger one (a year older than me, “N” from my “So Stupid” post, you might remember) was refusing to come into the chapel where the body was. She stayed in the lounge for quite a long time. Then they brought her in and it was almost like they were dragging her. She started wailing, “noooo,” and such and sat down about halfway there. She then started sobbing in the most horrific way. Very loud and exaggerated, it’s hard to describe in words. And then, suddenly, the older sister decides that the rest of us have to leave and she kicks us all out and shuts the door. However, saying to my adopted uncle, “will you stay? We might have to have you to carry her out.” So we all had to leave for a while but were allowed to come back when N went back to the smoking lounge.
Of course, I also get to hear of all the dirty laundry, stuff I don’t even think I should write about all of it. But one thing I can say is that N apparently has a boyfriend. If you remember, her husband is dying of leukemia. I did not see him at all during this time, I wonder if he’s back in the hospital again. So her family gets her on these pills to I guess keep her from being so depressed and so now she’s all loopy and admits it to everyone and says she wants to go see him. So her sister goes and lets the air out of all her tires while my cousin the cop keeps watch. I said later, why didn’t you just unhook something from the engine that could easily be fixed, I don’t know what they did when it came time to finally move her car that night. I feel so sorry for her 4-year-old daughter though, that poor little thing.
Then the funeral morning, both of them had the whole attitude of it was about them, no one else, like they were the only ones that cared about their mom and the rest of us were chopped liver. They bring in N last minute and the funeral starts, at the first note of music, she starts wailing again - just this loud, drowning out the music and singing, wailing and sobbing and things like that. And she continues for most of the service, though she did calm down for the sermon part.
What got me however, was that when the music started, from a couple of rows behind my grandpa, I saw his shoulders start shaking violently. Up until then, I’ve never seen my grandpa cry - and I think if it weren’t for that and for N, I coulda made it through okay.
So the service continues and before the sermon N’s older sister gets up and says some things that were nice, though she concentrates more on my grandpa, who is still living, and what he’s done for them, rather than her mom. She then announces the video which turns out to be more about her sister and her than her mom! It was just all really tasteless.
Then, of course, at the paying of the last respects, the two of them again make big scenes, then again at the burial. After the burial ceremony, their aunt said to the older one, “c’mon honey, it’s time to go,” and she just freaked, she was slightly under yelling, “Just. A. Minute.” And she started in on how she didn’t want to put her mother into the ground, etc.
But other than that, the day was a usual funeral and burial. Heh, I guess. It was, afterall, also the first burial I ever got sunburned at. My upper back hurts. Ow.
We met later back in St. Louis at my uncle’s church for the meal. It was a good one, thankfully, we were all so hungry. And, of course, N and them all set themselves apart and don’t sit with or talk to any of the rest of us. My cousin takes me outside where she can grab a smoke (again, all these two days I was yelling at her, “put it out!!!”) and where she can also talk to me about my Stalker Girl. (Which, by the way, she is going to get her internet crimes buddies to at least tell me where this person really is and who they are.) When we come back in a lot of people were gone and my family was heading to my uncle’s. But Steve and I had to leave, we hadn’t hardly seen E in two days because of this and Steve needed to study for his tests. My mom tells Steve that my grandpa was on his way to my uncle’s. All of his wife’s family were on their way to his house, expecting him to be there.
Now, see this is where we get into money. My grandpa was born pretty poor but he made something of himself and succeded at his own business on his own. Us grandkids have never asked a thing of him, we were all taught to take care of ourselves. And that’s fine, we don’t expect anything from him, just his love. In fact, I think all of us were resolved to the fact that he would probably die first and we’d never get anything anyway, that it would all go to his wife, and then to her kids eventually. We didn’t care, that’s not what is important.
But his wife’s family is another story. He’s bought his wife, over the years, lots of expensive jewelry, and on the day of her funeral, they’re already asking for it? Why’d they have to ask for it, you want to know, they were at his house and he wasn’t there… he’d hidden it, according to my mom. I guess in anticipation of this. Also, you might say well what about things his wife brought into the marriage? And I will tell you that there is nothing like that. She was a single welfare mom when she met him.
Those two just need to learn to stand on their own two feet. They have been dependent on their mom for too long. And, now that this is a protected post, I guess I can say this, maybe the reason N is wailing so bad, too, is because apparently two days before his wife went into the hospital (which was over two weeks before she died), my grandpa told N that she’d better lay off her mom or she was going to “send her to her grave.”
With all the crap that’s going on, I have to grasp at every positive thing right not to try and keep myself from getting depressed. That and Christine and I both think that my sharp stomach pains of the last few days are due to my stress level right now. So, let me say here, that out of this I got two new shirts and a new bra. ;) On the way to the visitation, I knew I had to stop for a black bra to wear under my black shirt, but then I realized I didn’t like the idea of the sleeveless black shirt I was wearing. I ended up running through the store and such and bought two dark brown shirts. They are both completely sexy. Same color but slightly different styles. I couldn’t decide which to buy and it turned out good because I ended up needing both. My options in clothing is way down lately, especially nice clothing.
Okay, that said… I wonder if I will ever see N and her sister again? Steve says it depends on how they want to be about this. I say probably not because it’s not like I saw them often anyway…
