We were doing good with the potty training until recent events kept us away from home quite a bit, then things started to fall apart. Now he is back to flat out refusing to go, holding it at all costs as I have him sit on the potty. He would rather hold it all day than listen to me and take five seconds to go on the potty. Of course, this wasn’t the case three days ago when he went on the potty four times, but three of those times, he was trying to be fancy or something and got it all over the floor. And when I try to just make him stay on the potty in the hopes that eventually he won’t be able to hold it much longer, he tries to get what he wants by scooting around the floor. Now that really pisses me off for some reason.
I am at my wit’s end.
I’ve tried everything. We have talks, he has a book, real underware, pull-ups, the potty’s been in the living room at times, I’ve praised and rewarded, I’ve threatened, we have a sticker chart… you name it. Yet nothing works. This kid is now three years old and it’s driving me crazy.
I think this just goes back to rebellion, he doesn’t want to do it because I want him to do it. It’s like when he sits there and he crosses one leg over the other so that if he does go it will end up all over the floor, or he sits wrong and I tell him to sit right, he refuses. He either says “no” or cries about something else or just flat ignores me. He just refuses and it’s entirely stressing me out.
And when he does go, after all stress, it is getting really hard to praise him for it by that time because I’m just totally sick and tired of his crap.
So the last time I talked about this, some of you said you would have advice, should I ask. So I’m asking. I’m begging. I’m pleading.
Spill your secrets here for all of us to share… please?
Wow. Your situation does sound frustrating! Not being a mommy yet.. I can’t exactly offer up any advice (yet) but I will be coming back to this post and reading the other responses for my own future. :)
You know that I can SO relate. Potty training was THE most frustrating thing ever ever ever.
First, get yourself a copy of the potty training book by Brazelton. It’s not very thick. I wrote about it on my blog once (look under the potty time category). If you can’t find a copy, I’ll send you mine.
It is the CHILD who must be in control. This was REALLY hard for me to deal with, but I had to step back and let HIM learn. He has to learn what his body is telling him.
I used sticker chart for every time he used the potty. After 5 stickers, he got something special. Nothing big, mind you, like a popsicle or something. After he got the peeing mastered, then it was the poop. OMgah. I stopped the stickers and just said, “If you poop in the potty, I’ll give you a bunny marshmallow.” (This was around Easter.) After they were gone, we used regular, big marshmallows. Eventually this worked.
I totally STOPPED the pull-ups (except for night). Disgusting, yes, EXTREMELY, but the pull-up was a safety net to him, an excuse to not have to do/learn what he needed.
He has Batman and Spiderman underwear. I would say, “Batman does NOT like it when you poop on him. It is Not Nice.” I don’t know if this helped any, but it was worth a shot.
There were a few times that I KNOW he pooped in his pants on purpose because he was mad at us.
After we knew that he knew what to do, this is what finally solved it for us: if he had an accident, he went to the Not Nice Corner. “You are here because you pooped your pants. You know how to use the potty. You are a Big Boy. You need to try and remember to use the potty.”
See, they try to use it as a control issue sometimes. You’ve seen right through what he’s doing. That’s why we used the Corner. I, too, had tried everything else when I thought, “What the heck, I’ll try the Corner.”
And it helped. Now J is sleeping through he night in underwear. He’s only had one accident this entire month (knock on wood x3).
Remember: he won’t be going to high school in diapers.
Forgot to add: After he started to make it through entire days, we started using a calendar to keep track of those days using stickers. He was told that “If you make it a WHOLE WEEK without any accidents, you’ll get a happy meal.” This gave him a goal. The h.meal gradually changed to going to see a movie in the theater or getting an action figure that he really wanted.
Sarangeti - great advice. My wife would have to tell you more about working with our boys, as she did most of the work. (being in the Navy and parenting - not such a good plan).
I like the point about the child being in control. They obvsiously realize at some point what the plan is, though some make that connection sooner than others.
Boys seem to ‘get it’ later than girls but that may be a control issue more than actually not knowing. It seems E. is in that mode these days. It is something he wants to exercise control over.
I’ve heard a theory that our children are always struggling to gain a sense of control in their lives. The key then becomes to choose wisely which things we try to control, and which we let them make decisions on. Perhaps in that light, letting him make some other choices you normally don’t might give him some mental freedom to argue less about the potty routine. Especially, as Sarangeti notes, if you let him know he is responsible for the messy drawers.
I’ll put in a prayer for you on this one. You’ll need all the help you can get. :)
I’m not a mother, but I do have siblings that are signifigantly younger than I am, and so I did help with potty training (oh joy!…)
With my brother (he’s a year and a half older than his sister), it was “ooh, Abby’s going to learn to do it before you are.” That was all he needed.
With the sister, she was afraid of the potty. She thought she was going to get flushed. We got her one of those potty seats that sits on top, and had a bag of M&M’s around, for one or two when she went, and that kind of thing seems to work.
But I’d have to agree with Sarangeti. You just have to let it become a necessity.
I WISH I had some super top secret advise to give, but we are going through the same thing. I do have to agree with Sarangeti about stopping the Pull Ups other than at night, though. It creates a little extra work, but they are just too much like diapers.
What we are doing right now is big boy underwear at all times, expect night, and a sticker on the chart each time he uses the big potty. Once he fills his chart, usually a few weeks to a months work with smaller rewards in between, he gets a prize. A car, a book, some candy. Whatever works. It’s not working any miracles, but he’s been doing pretty good staying dry. We have a few accidents, but I’ll take a few accidents over changing diapers every few hours.
If it is too much of a power struggle, maybe back off a little bit. We’ve found this much with Jonathan. The harder we push, the harder he rights. So we backed off for a while. I know how frustrating it is, BELIEVE me, but it might be something you have to try.
This is really personal, but my mother had the same problem with me. You can take the advice from the kid on this one.
Use reverse psychology. Tell him he can’t go to the bathroom because you’re cleaning it or you’re going to clean it or that you’re using it.
Don’t pressure him. Don’t ever get angry or frustrated and let him see it. Ever.
He’s got to go when he wants. It’s the only way he’ll learn. Forcing anything only makes a child not listen.
Please trust me on this one. He doesn’t want to hear about it. He doesn’t want you to draw attention to it. He definitely doesn’t want pull ups.
Rewards are a good idea, but never after he kid messes up.
Seriously, good luck.
Sounds pretty excitingly scary, and I hope this scenario doesn’t happen with my boy. He’s 2, and he’s kinda starting the whole potty thing, but still in diapers…
I don’t want him to grow up!!! lol
We managed to get Sam dry in three days on the second attempt. I wrote up what we did in my blog. :)
V xx
I think I have figured out why E doesn’t want to use the potty:
The last day that he went on it, he went four times, really good. They were all “#1’s” and, sadly, the last three times out of the four, he positioned himself wrong and got most of it on my floor. In the living room (wood floor, so easily cleaned when done right away) and then in the bathroom (linoleum or something). I didn’t make it out to be a big deal, but he cried and cried and cried each time, even though I didn’t get mad or yell at him or punish him and instead kept telling him “it’s okay, we’ll just get a rag and clean it,” etc. By nature, he’s always been a pretty clean child and certain messes really upset him. Like the time he got stung by a wasp recently, he was already freaking out because he had dirt and spiderwebs all over his hands. So the peeing on the floor really upset him and I think that now he remembers that and so wants nothing to do with the potty because he thinks that he will make a mistake every time.
The question is… what do we do about it? Besides being a clean natured child, he also has a great memory for things, and in fact, I’m sure this is the reason this is happening - the other day he said something to me about going “pee-pee water” on the floor. (He still thinks it’s water.
Hmmm…