Is this what it feels like?
To have someone you love be missing?
I’m not even of immediate family but I feel numb. Tiny. So insignificant. Helpless.
I had to keep it quiet all day long. Smile and laugh at the appropriate moments while worrying inside. My inner self face down in prayer.
And now that the community has come alive I’ve broken down. My head is filled from tears and neither of us can sleep.
I can’t imagine life without her.
All good things must eventually come to an end. I’ve had this blog for over 11 years and I think it’s time to say good-bye. I really would like to regularly blog a personal life again but I find myself hesitant to say anything here. I might try a new place, I don’t know. If I do, it’ll probably be under a false name. Too many people out there who shouldn’t read my life know where to find me.
There’s a chance I might write something here, as rarely as I have been, like some random company complaints or a book or movie review, but for all intents and purposes, there will be no more personal posts.
So long, farewell, Auf Weidersehen, goodbye.
Last weekend I went to my first Women of Joy conference, ours was in Branson, MO which is about a 4 hour drive for us, so not bad. The conference sells out the night they open ticket registration which is during the conference the year before so last year I had to send deposits with our group to be able to buy my tickets for this year. My mom was going with me but one of my friends ended up not being able to go so my sister took her spot. The three of us shared a hotel room and a friend rode down with us but was in a different room. This was really different from the other women’s conference I went to with our church because it was like our group was so disconnected. At the last one, which was a Beth Moore conference, we all rode the people mover bus thing and pretty much stayed together other than times were we might have chosen different nearby restaurants or been in our hotel rooms. This time, we all took separate cars, grouped up as we wanted and met down there. We sat together as much as possible during conference times but there was always someone missing, sitting elsewhere for whatever reason. Meals were on our own and free time on our own with everyone doing what they wanted. The only time everyone was really together, it seemed, was at the hotel Friday and Saturday night for pizza and a cannonball competition in the pool (of which only like 4 women participated in while the rest of us watched) and then ice cream on the second night. Even then, some people were missing. One woman had gotten pregnant and had the baby since the tickets were purchased and he, as I understand it, ended up not being very cooperative, and I rarely saw her. But I think in the long run, everyone had fun. It was just different.
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