Posts Tagged "sadness"

can’t catch a break.

Poor K, well, both of us, we really can’t catch a break.  One night when I was forcing her to take her eye drops, I saw that she also has strep.  Couldn’t see it when she said “ah” for the doctor, only when we had her pinned down and she was screaming her bloody head off.  She didn’t even have to go see the doc, he just called in a stronger antibiotic based on my very good description.  Poor thing is now starting to have some side effects from that.  And I think I might have some walking pneumonia or another bout of bronchitis.  This is real fun.  Saturday and Sunday were bad for me, a lot of real bad weird pain in my chest and what not.  Was going to call the doc Monday morning but I felt a thousand times better when I woke up.  My sister-in-law listened with her stethoscope and said I sounded good.  I think something might be there still, I feel that weird feeling every once in a while, like there’s something in my lungs, but I’m going to wait and see if my body won’t beat it or it won’t get worse first.

K’s also having a hard time with Daddy going back to work.  She’s funny because she won’t show him a lot of attention or affection when he’s here but when he’s gone, he’s all she talks about.  First thing she says to me when I get her from school is always “Dada?”  She points at things around the house that are his, “Dada.”  She bought chips for him at the grocery store today.

She also sees a guy who sometimes picks up his kid at the same time and he doesn’t look like Steve at all, but he’s another bald guy.  Today isn’t the first time she thought he was Dada but today she caught sight of him as he was driving away and she started yelling “Dada!” and crying and tried to run after his car.  I grabbed her before she could take more than one step but had to put her in her car seat  while she cried up a storm.  I think she finally understood he wasn’t Daddy and she can see Daddy later but it was pretty heartbreaking.

So we talked to Dada on his lunch break and she actually chatted up a storm in her little Kayleigh way.

Read More

Farewell to an old chum

Rimshot and E, farewell to an old friend Things did not turn out as I’d hoped.  I talked to the vet this morning on the phone and he said he wanted me to come down to talk about Rimshot, that after further observation and research, prognosis did not look good.  I started then trying to prepare myself and Elijah for losing him.

Have I ever mentioned that my in-laws are awesome?  My mother and father-in-law came in and she stayed with Kayleigh (who hasn’t even noticed that the dog is missing) and my father-in-law, Elijah, and I went down to the vet’s.  Steve was at work.

Well, the vet had said yesterday that it was strange that Rimshot’s front legs weren’t working but the back ones were ok.  Apparently it usually is the back legs.  The outter part of the spine controls the back legs and the inner does the front and he determined it was highly likely that Rimshot had some sort of lesion and clot in the spine already and that it had just been a matter of time before this happened. That maybe when he missed the couch the other day, it sort of activated it.  Whatever happened, Rimshot was still paralyzed in the front.  He said that it was possible that within 1-2 weeks he may recover but the chances of that are not good, and then there’s the chance of partial recovery with disability.
He brought Rimshot out to see us and BOY was he excited.  He was especially excited to see my father-in-law, they were buddies.  We spent some time with him and when the vet came back I signed off to have him put down.  The boys went back to the waiting room while the vet took Rimshot back again.  When he returned, he told me I was making the right decision.  I’m glad we got to see the dog fully alive and say good-bye.  I even took a pic with my phone of Elijah and Rimshot, told him he could have it to remember him by – I don’t think I have any other recent ones of the two of them.  I had told Elijah that Rimshot was hurt really bad and “dying” though, he doesn’t know that the vet had to do the “dirty work” – I think it’s a bit easier that way.  This is his first real experience with death, the people close to us who have died did so when he was too little to remember and we’ve had no other pets.
Elijah was just wailing and such, so they went back to the house while I waited and then my father-in-law came back for me and the body.  He has since taken The Box home with him and is going to bury him and when Steve gets home from work, we’ll have a little doggie funeral.
Elijah wailed for a while more here at home but I’ve finally got him playing some Wii so he’s a bit distracted.  Every so often he still says “I miss Rimshot” or “I wish Rimshot was here” or even just, “Oh, Rimshot.”  He will be fine in time, I know.  It’s really interesting, though, how this boy loves that dog because all he did was harass him and cause that poor dog grief and then yell something like, “UGH, I need a dog that respects me!”

I am not without tears.  I’ve been crying off and on since I found out that he was hurt.  When I realized that it wasn’t just a hurt paw that would go away in a few hours, I think I knew where this was headed.

So farewell, old friend, we’ve been allies in this house of crazy people for 10 years now and I’m really gonna miss you.

Read More

Wednesday, and the worst thing

After much randomness, I took Elijah for lunch and play time at the park.

at the park

After that, we headed to the hospital to see Kayleigh. First thing Elijah did was to open up one of her windows and talk to her. He just kept saying, “Hi Kayleigh, how ya doin’ baby girl?” It was totally adorable. And it kinda cracked me up because I heard Steve say that once, and Elijah must have, too, and he just kept on saying it.

talking to Kayleigh

He caught me there, getting his picture while he was talking to her, so he had to ham it up a bit. We also took some pictures of her with the bunny from one of Steve’s sisters and her new husband.

with the bunny from Aunt Liz & Uncle Matt

And both of my kiddos:

my little kiddos

But you know what? I’m sure that my perspective would be different were Kayleigh not doing so well there, and progressing just fine, but I think the worst thing about it all is when she cries. You can’t hear her, because of that tube down her throat, something about an air leak, but you can clearly see it in her face. Here she was crying and the nurse calmed her, with a little help from Elijah:

calming the baby down

But it just breaks my heart when I see her face crumple up like that and there’s really not anything I can do about it. I can talk to her, and can put my hands on her like the nurse did, but I can’t pick her up or cuddle her or anything. And I hate that.

But… only temporary. Only temporary.

Read More

So, how’m I doin’?

That’s a phrase I’ve been hearing a lot in the last 36-48 hours.

The truth is, I’m okay. I’ll live. I can handle it. There are times I lose it, but for the most part, I’m doing all right.

Physically, I’m also okay. I can’t decide if I’m really all that tired or if I’m just lethargic and uncaring. I don’t feel like doing anything at all but I did manage to do some laundry today (shy of folding, but I always take forever to do that) and I am making some candles for an order. That’s about it. I need to do dishes, but, nah.

Read More

Friday the 13th Sucks

I don’t mean to spam those of you who also have texted, called, and Twittered with me today, but I think this may be a bit therapeutic for me. In case you’re not one of those people, I’ll start at the beginning.

Yup, I was pregnant. Nope, we didn’t really tell anyone. We were going to tell our parents this weekend via way of Father’s Day and birthday cards. Then it was free-for-all. But, unfortunately, I didn’t make it that far. This may be TMI for some people, but I really don’t care, sorry.

Read More