I don’t really know where to start. It’s not like I didn’t necessarily see this coming, and it’s not like I didn’t know what was going on. I knew but I wanted to at least give my husband a chance to own up to it or come forward. I told him I knew he was cheating and he still denied it. I guess all I really needed was proof. Well, to show him the proof I had already. Maybe I was too scared at first to have my world come crashing down with that being the reality…my husband….love of my life….father of my child… was cheating on me…for a year …maybe more. || Apparently he had met this. . .I cant call her a woman really, she doesn’t deserve to have that title. Only childish people ruin other people’s lives the way she did.(and I’m not just blaming her, believe me, I blame them both…and myself a little bit… maybe I wasn’t as good a wife as I thought or maybe I was and my husband was too stupid to see it. I really don’t know the true reason as to why any of this actually happened) Apparently he met this childish sad excuse of a woman and homewrecker on the site called meetme. It’s a dating site though he tends to deny that is exactly what it is, a site where you can literally find someone within the area to have a one night stand with, to flirt with online..the works. Raunchy woman and horny men throwing themselves at one another for attention and sex. || He got stationed in the Destin Florida area with the military, and I guess decided the perfect time for him to cheat on me with this thing was when I went back to my hometown to help my mother recover after having cancerous tumors removed. He knew. He knew everything that was going on with my mother, her almost dying twice, how long I was going to be gone. I went back home last year…in I think it was May. It didn’t take him long to jump into bed with Heather. You see Heather is your ideal homewrecker, not only did she not care that he was married, but she also works as a cam girl on x rated websites under cliché alias. She sent him videos, and suggestive pictures lots of which I have but refuse to post. I’m at least decent enough not to put those on the internet no matter if she does that all on her own. I found the most evidence when my husband and I ended up moving to our current location. I’ts about 6 or so hours away from where we used to be stationed. || My husband got out of the military this past May and had been spending a lot of time at home and trying to find a job. He wasn’t acting like my husband anymore. He completely withdrew emotionally though nothing stopped him from being sexual with me but it wasn’t the same. One day I needed to use my husbands computer because my daughter was using mine. I opened it up, and there, there it was clear as day…a message between him and her, stating how much he wanted and longed to take her clothes off with his teeth, and how she was so sorry she couldn’t make it to our location because something came up. There it was…. the evidence screamed out. Me in denial for so long, I guess that’s what it took. I cant even really begin to describe the pain, the wreckage that came next. At first, after showing him that evidence and confronting him, he not only deleted the messages between them but blocked her on Facebook (yes, they sunk so low as to add each other on Facebook) he begged me to stay, told me it was a mistake and he was stupid and she meant nothing.  He told me he would block her and anyone else I wanted him to, he would stop talking to her and anyone else I wanted him to stop talking to, he told me he loved me more than anything and that he would do anything for me. So like a fool, I believed him or at least stayed. || Come October my life would be flipped upside down, text messages and phone calls between them. Yes he had blocked her on Facebook but he still kept in contact with her. He never even told her he didn’t want to talk to her anymore. They kept it going. Well, October my daughter wanted to use the computer again, this time it was her that wanted to use my husbands computer and there she found videos of heather touching herself, fingering herself on camera! My daughter…horrified…showing me the computer pointing with this look, a look I will never forget…”that’s not my mommy”….my young daughter, scarred for life. I yet again confronted my husband but this time, this time was different. It all came out. He stated he didn’t love me anymore, he didn’t want to be with me and he was miserable. She, Heather, who had a boyfriend but still sent these suggestive things to my husband and him sending the same to her, erasing any morals or compassion….it was Heather that made him happy.  I didn’t know what to do. I dropped everything for this man, built my world and life with him since I was 19 years old. We have been together for at least 6 or 7 years all together, but that meant nothing. Everything we had was now a facade, a lie. The reality was that he had been cheating on me with her for almost two years, he was in love with her, a person he had only met in person once and he wanted a divorce. Now I don’t claim to be the perfect wife or a perfect person, I am only human but I did try my best with everything for him, for me, for my family. But I knew I didn’t treat him that bad that he had to just find someone else. Did I deserve this? I don’t know…maybe a little…but I knew our daughter didn’t so I fought. I fought for everything, reminded him of his responsibilities. Reminded him that if he did this we could never go back, he would lose me forever and he would have to explain to our daughter the truth, not just that daddy didn’t love mommy but daddy wronged mommy and we could never be back together because of it….something of that sort anyway. || We fought so much. Finally, he forced me to make a decision because I did not want to give up on my marriage…it was him that did…I wanted to fight… fight for what was mine. Things got so intense and heated. The choice was move back home which was thousands of miles away plane ticket needed and a bigger possibility that I wouldn’t come back…or go stay with his mother who was so kind and loving to offer her home to my daughter and myself until we had enough time to figure things out. His mother only lived 3 hours away. It was a lot closer so I stayed with her. She was so sweet, so understanding and so helpful. I thought for sure she would be spiteful or mean like any other horror story between in laws…but she wasn’t. She was incredible and the whole time I knew her son was trying to make plans, no not trying actually making plans to be with Heather. I guess I just held on…something…stupidity…love or…a mixture of both…kept me hanging on. I clung to my religion, whatever faith I had left though. I knew it was little I prayed and cried every night and my daughter witnessed it all. I tried so hard not to let her see. I wanted her to be ok, not for her to see mommy weak and hurt. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want any of this for her but it was happening. Although my husband told me he needed time, a break…you name it he said it…but he also told me he didn’t want to give up on us. He didn’t want me to give up on us either, it was like something started to change…and yes, I was confused….but so was he. He couldn’t decide what he wanted. It was like… he wanted his cake and to eat it too. He told me he didn’t want a divorce but he still wanted me to stay with his mother so he could try to see how things would work out with Heather. I argued it and raised hell. There I was no car, no money, living with his mother -the biggest failure of a wife and mother I could possibly think of was staring me dead in the face in the mirror. I had no way of getting back to my husband myself. I started to look for jobs around the area, filling out applications. I lost my appetite and I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t stay with his mother forever. || One day he told me he was planning on coming to see us for Thanksgiving and I hoped that maybe that meant he was picking us up, coming to get us but those weren’t his plans…not at first. He talked about coming on his motorcycle so he wouldn’t have to come get us…my heart hurt. I wanted my daughter to get to see her dad but I couldn’t do this again, I couldn’t explain to her why daddy was leaving us behind again and there, there came Thanksgiving but he wasn’t on a motorcycle, he brought the car and made room for all of our things and even bought me flowers for my birthday. Every day we talked and I guess that helped out. I don’t know what changed his mind but he came to pick us up and bring us home. So we went home with him…at first things weren’t better at all. I still knew he was talking to her, I found more pictures and evidence and still stupid me held on….prayed…was probably in anyone else’s eyes viewed as sad and despicable. This woman made plans with my husband and vice versa to be together. He had the divorce papers downloaded onto his computer and some how hadn’t printed them out but I knew he had planned to. Topsy turvy, every day something different…he wanted me….he wanted her….he wanted me again…he wanted her…he hid his phone…he hid his computer…he hid from me…he lied to me. I confronted the woman and in no way did I expect what i got from her, but she lied through her teeth. She told me stories about my husband. She called him hers, said they were happy and that if he really wanted me that he wouldn’t have been sleeping around on me or even been talking to another woman the way that he was. She lied about what was going on. One minute she would say how normal it was for a married man to have naked pictures of her and the next she would say she would stop talking to him. One thing after another….by now…I wanted to just say eff it. What the hell am I doing? || I decided I was just going to join the military and take care of myself and my little girl and whatever else happened would happen. Well, it happened not how i thought, but it happened. She called him and told him that her boyfriend proposed and that she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby. Thanking god that they didn’t see each other while I was gone because that would’ve complicated things and blah blah blah….but still he tried to hold on to her…. knowing she was marrying another man and pregnant with that mans baby…knowing she would have to move on with her life, he didn’t want to let her go…and yet he still wanted me around… || Fnally…finally…my bitch came out…. I looked at him and said ..”are you happy now?  You have ruined everything with us, for her ,and this is what has happened. not only have you lost me and your daughter the way you had us, but now you’re losing her too. Yet you still try to hold onto her, this woman who has done nothing for you but help aid you in ruining what you already had. This woman who is moving on with her life, this person who hasn’t done half of what I have for you…are you happy?”  I then proceeded to tell him that, whether I was in his life any longer or not, he would have to learn to let Heather go and let her live her life with her new husband and child. It took a while, but in December…this December, New Years Eve he came home and opened up his computer, erased everything he had from her in front of me. Opened up a message from her and ignored everything she said, but replied with “it would be best if we stopped talking, please don’t ever try to contact me” and then he blocked her. He leaned over to me with this look I cant describe it…but he said…he loved me and that the bridge had been burned with her and all he wants is me, that he isn’t going anywhere. I can honestly say that I have seen a tremendous change in him. Things aren’t perfect and we have days…. he knows I haven’t forgiven him and as of right now I don’t trust him….and he says that’s ok. He has been spoiling my daughter and myself, spending as much time as possible with us showing me his messages if I asked, answering any questions I have even if it makes him uncomfortable. He knows that it’ll take time for me to heal and he said he’s ok with that. || Now I’m no idiot. I know most woman would say I am for hanging on for this long but I’m still going to join the military whether he is along for the ride or not have lost over 25 pounds and plan on continuing to lose more. He’s shown promise he has also been searching for better jobs that pay more and even thinking about getting back into the military. I may not completely understand this, whatever the reasoning, what ever it is….I’m not here necessarily to bad mouth this woman or my husband for that matter. If anything its to get my story out and mostly vent. I have faith that things will be better because they already have started to get there. Every day we hold each other closer. I can feel the love coming from him now not because I want him to. Some days.I  question everything but I see that he is genuinely trying his best. That he is being honest and will do whatever it takes to make us better. We are now more open with each other. Yes we still have a ways to go but I don’t think I’m going anywhere. I guess it really does take something bad to happen to open your eyes and show you the good things you may already have. I’m sure there will be plenty of nay sayers and haters and you can go right ahead and feel that way or say what you want to say but i see a change, a good one, not a fake one. I’m not one of those woman who just give up when things get rough. I have worked too hard in my life to let someone else take what is rightfully mine away. You can see the shame in his eyes and you can see he hurts too… he apologizes so much…yet he knows I haven’t forgiven him. I don’t know when I will or if i will, I can only take baby steps towards my future and hope that not only will the future brighter, better for that matter. I can only hope that maybe he’ll be there as the husband I truly need to him to be, as the father my daughter needs him to be and as the man God wants him to be and made him to be. I cant tell you what will happen tomorrow or even what will happen next week. I have faith…and I wont give up from the looks of it…neither will he. || || >